Day 24- Moving to the beat of Salsa

Day 24- Moving to the beat of Salsa

Like getting back on a bike, moving to the beat of salsa on Thursday 9th August felt comfortable and familiar, though sufficiently challenging. It felt natural. It felt good.

Three hours on my feet passed so quickly…too quickly.

Dancing is something I’m good at; something I’ve always loved. I wish to be great at it though.

I am inspired to train for an amateur competition, say some time next year. The major hurdle though, beside my own indicipline, is finding a dance patner. Finding a romantic patner has been challenge, I hope getting a dance patner would be much easier 😉

If it’s meant to be, it will be.

Day 21-Back to the Gym at 226.2 lbs

Day 21-Back to the Gym at 226.2 lbs

I’ve returned to the gym with great enthusiasm and hope. I am confident that this will be the beginning of a new, beneficial and sustained experience.

What would make this time different? God alone knows how many gym registrations I’ve filled out over the years. Not to mention how many pills and herbs and diets I have tried. What will make this attempt different? I can’t say, but I must believe that it will be different.

I am still in this alone. I work out alone; no personal trainer, no partner, no support network.

However, I’m trying to condition my mind in a way I had’t before. I am trying to motivate myself beyond what I feel. I’m visualizing my success and expecting great things.

I’m trying to live meaningfully, purposefully and prayerfully.

Every day counts…every calorie counts.

I’m taking my time, I’m blogging about the experience and I suppose all of these help.

Weighing in at 226.2 lbs was a pleasat surprise. I expected much more, but I am pleased.

I will aim to lose 2 lbs per week.

Si, se puede! Yes I can! I’m Possible!



Day 9- When a bowl of cereal isn’t just a bowl of cereal…

Day 9- When a bowl of cereal isn’t just a bowl of cereal…

A quote I recently read said ” The starting point of all achievement is desire. Keep this constantly in mind, weak desires bring weak results.” But what if one has strong desires but a weak will and mind?

It’s day 9 and I am experiencing today what I often encounter when I begin personal development processes like the one I am currently pursuing. It’s day 9. I walked for 40 minutes this evening and it felt good, but when I got home I gave in to eating a bowl of cereal. It’s only day 9. I wasn’t necessarily hungry, but I felt weak. Weak because this week wore me down and out. I held a confident demeanor and as much as possible a pleasant smile, but the intensity of this week, perhaps the tipping point of the past months of deadlines, unrelenting pace and tacit isolation, is a great weight. I feel out of sorts, mildly defeated and somewhat alone…ways I feel far too often.

To compound matters, today is the deadline for the submission of my final report for my final class of my year-long programme, and I haven’t written a line…not even a letter. I haven’t sufficient research to produce a proper report and I feel weak. With one single act of negligence I could jeopardize an entire year of excellent work…just like that! I will not blame my work load. Though the travel distance to get to work and back steals 4 hours of each day. Though I realise that I have aborted several courses in the past few years because of the unpredictability of my work. Though I have given up excellent opportunities, because it would compete for time and energy required to complete my projects at work.  I will not blame my work load. I blame myself. It is I who choose to give an abnormally significant amount of time and energy to my job and it is I who suffer as a result.

I feel weak and I am not in control of my own life.

I have said all that not to justify my consumption of a larger than normal bowl of cereal after 7pm. I said all that to say, that at this stage of my life, if I do not regain control of external happenings, or get a grip on my own mind…my list of incomplete courses, and unfulfilled dreams will forever continue to grow.

As much as I want nothing more than to lose the weight, and accomplish my dreams, and do the things I love…I must first win the battle in my mind. I must first overcome myself!

Day 4 and 5- Flab to Fit – Getting inspired!

I am surrounded like an army, with hereditary diseases from diabetes to hypertension to joint/bone issues and even some cancers. Getting fit and staying there isn’t an option. This new journey which began on Wednesday 18th July 2012 must continue for rest of my life; and it so will, by God’s help and my unfailing determination.

Yesterday’s 45-minute walk/short runs felt good. This morning I slept late :-). But today’s the day to establish my first concrete plan of action. But before that, I’ve amassed some images to help get me inspired… (N.B. These are not my photos, the majority come from a facebook site called Gym Motivation)

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Day 12- Overcoming a Workplace Dilemma with Love

The battle for my mind and to reclaim my space and time reached a critical point today. I reckon things must get worse before they get better. And boy did I feel the worse I have ever felt in a very very long time.

It would seem that Day 9’s realization was the precursor to Day 12’s precipitation. Faced with a workplace situation that then plunged me into a huge ideological dilemma, I began to shut down and shut things out. I slept most of the day to avoid thinking, conflicted and invasive thoughts that derived no conclusions to the quagmire.  So I slept…

I resurrected rested but still disturbed.

I forced myself to begin to organize my thoughts and feelings. I was hurt, angry, confused and sad. How could the leadership of my organization speak of justice for all, respect for workers and empowerment of the working class and then deny its own staff the time and open ear they deserve? How then, when the staff take a silent form of protest to draw the leaders’/”managers’” attention they are shunned, told by an authority “had I the power, I would fire every one of you who wearing the [form of silent protest]”?

It is all good for workers to protest against other managers, in other companies, but similar actions are suddenly “out of timing” and uncalled for or inappropriate when the shoe is on the other foot.

All workers are important, and all workers’ issues, big or small are legitimate until proved otherwise…but they are less legitimate when they are your workers’ issues? Something’s not right there! It’s like someone advocating for women’s rights and empowerment and said person has a maid who is underpaid, and exploited.

I was called “ultra-liberal” when I explained to an authority of the oranisation that I saw the workers’ action as an act of love and self-interest, and that I am in solidarity with them. I said that these workers were merely upholding the legacy of what had been taught and touted for years in this organistion. The leaders should in face be proud of these workers for standing up for themselves. Actions like these we take pride in, except when the butt of the action isn’t some company manager but you.  It was explained to me that these workers often do not do what they are asked; that many waste time doing other things than what they are “supposed” to do. Even if that is true, I have heard that argument before. But the counter argument is that such situations are as much a manager’s fault as it is the worker’s. For there to be workers who don’t do what they are “supposed” to, it means there are “managers” or “authorizes” who for a long time have condoned it have not sought to effectively address the situation.

It is also said that these workers dare not take this kind of action under another leadership, but because the current leaders are more open they are being taken advantage of. I could imagine and understand that they must feel hurt and betrayed by the action, but the workers’ action was not without warning.

There are any numbers of counter punches from either party for any argument presented. My view after having laid out all my thoughts is that there needs to be a commitment on either side to do their part. There needs to be an open and honest discussion about expectations, and more importantly, this juncture gives rise to an opportunity to devise a mechanism/structure that would help prevent situations like this from occurring again.

On my own part however…I have begun to make changes.

I once loved my organization soo much, I would spend ungodly numbers of hours at my desk working. There were times when I slept in the office to ensure the completion and success of a task. I recall planning to leave the birthday party of my ex’s mom  one weekend to head to the office…to work! To say the least, my ex-boyfriend and his family (and my mom) were not pleased.  I saw nothing wrong then, it was critical that I did my part in the name of workers and the working class.

Today, some 3 years later, I love my organization no less but I have vowed to reclaim my space, my time…my life. I don’t think it’s too late nor is it a selfish act. I will give my full 100% within working hours and whenever possible outside of those times, but my family, my health and my future are also worthy of my time and energy and love.

I’ve concluded…being bitter or angry will serve no one. The blame game is useless. I will continue to do my part for my organization, and workers of my country. But what I will not do is be a willing accomplice to something that’s wrong and I will speak out (with or without words), even if the wrong-doer is a friend/family/lover/leader/comrade.

It is s/he who has your interest at heart who is best positioned to point out when you have erred.  The criticism must be received in love so that a space is made available to have open and cordial discussions to craft a way forward. If doors are closed and responses are violent (from either part), it thwarts even the possibility for peaceful resolution.

I hold firm that there is a way forward and I am confident that we will get there.

(This post was originally to be published on Day 12-July 29th)

Day 7-Intervals begin

The intensity of this work-week coupled with a major class assignment has me super occupied, but I haven’t and won’t allow that to derail what little progress I have made and my overall plan.

yesterday, though I did not exercise, I challenged myself to approach eating with some thought…not just eat because it’s noon, or because “I feel hungry”. I ate small meals, with snacks in between, spacing them out by 3/4hrs. I’m also forcing myself to understand the difference between hunger and thirst. Often we mistake one for the other…so water and green tea were always in close reach.

This morning, I walked and ran for 35 minutes. I’m trying to get the hang of intervals and use it wisely.

Only 18 more days to my first 5K.

Here we go!!!