Day 9- When a bowl of cereal isn’t just a bowl of cereal…

A quote I recently read said ” The starting point of all achievement is desire. Keep this constantly in mind, weak desires bring weak results.” But what if one has strong desires but a weak will and mind?

It’s day 9 and I am experiencing today what I often encounter when I begin personal development processes like the one I am currently pursuing. It’s day 9. I walked for 40 minutes this evening and it felt good, but when I got home I gave in to eating a bowl of cereal. It’s only day 9. I wasn’t necessarily hungry, but I felt weak. Weak because this week wore me down and out. I held a confident demeanor and as much as possible a pleasant smile, but the intensity of this week, perhaps the tipping point of the past months of deadlines, unrelenting pace and tacit isolation, is a great weight. I feel out of sorts, mildly defeated and somewhat alone…ways I feel far too often.

To compound matters, today is the deadline for the submission of my final report for my final class of my year-long programme, and I haven’t written a line…not even a letter. I haven’t sufficient research to produce a proper report and I feel weak. With one single act of negligence I could jeopardize an entire year of excellent work…just like that! I will not blame my work load. Though the travel distance to get to work and back steals 4 hours of each day. Though I realise that I have aborted several courses in the past few years because of the unpredictability of my work. Though I have given up excellent opportunities, because it would compete for time and energy required to complete my projects at work.  I will not blame my work load. I blame myself. It is I who choose to give an abnormally significant amount of time and energy to my job and it is I who suffer as a result.

I feel weak and I am not in control of my own life.

I have said all that not to justify my consumption of a larger than normal bowl of cereal after 7pm. I said all that to say, that at this stage of my life, if I do not regain control of external happenings, or get a grip on my own mind…my list of incomplete courses, and unfulfilled dreams will forever continue to grow.

As much as I want nothing more than to lose the weight, and accomplish my dreams, and do the things I love…I must first win the battle in my mind. I must first overcome myself!

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